Another Life I Loved
by PrussianCrystal
Summary: Takes place in episode 45. What if Hilde didn't survive when she brought thr gundam pilots data on Libra?


AnotherLifeILoved.html

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or itÕs characters...which is pretty obvious. This is fic from DuoÕs POV and itÕs my idea of what would of happened if Hilde didnÕt survive bringing back the data from Libra. ItÕs major drama (no happy Duo-ness, sorry! ^_^). Um, this is my first songfic so it might be messed up and I do not own the lyrics to the song, ÒIf YouÕre GoneÓ by Matchbox Twenty. Thank you. ^_^ 

Another Life I loved 

**I think IÕve already lost you** 

YouÕve killed me. YouÕve taken my heart and broken it into tiny little pieces. And I wonder if youÕve kept them. All of those shattered pieces of my heart. I hope youÕve kept something. I hope you had something to take with you when you left. I wanted to give you something in return for everything youÕve given me. Moments to remember, the desire to go on, the laughter inside of me that for once, was real. But now youÕve killed me. My debt is paid. 

**I think youÕre already gone** 

When I thought nothing could get worse, when everything was lost, you were there. And you were the only one that cared for me. You worried when I went out to battle, youÕd yell at me when I said or did something stupid. And it was that humanity I needed. I was tired of being treated like someone different, like I didnÕt feel the same things as a normal person was. but you treated me just like I was everybody else, and that was the way I wanted to be treated. 

**I think IÕm finally scared now**   
**You think IÕm weak-But I think youÕre wrong** 

You cornered me sneaking food when dinner was minutes away, you yelled at me for slacking off, and when I was down you were there. It wasnÕt often IÕd show my soft side to somebody. I would pretend to be tough and when something bad happened, IÕd be strong. And when I did show you the true side of me, you didnÕt judge me when I told you of my past, and what I did as child. Because you understood. And it was so hard to talk to anybody else because they didnÕt understand the way you did. Either that or they did and just didnÕt want to talk to me. ItÕs not like I donÕt feel anything or that I wouldnÕt understand, and you saw that. You were the only one that saw that. 

**I think youÕre already leaving** 

So why did you leave me? 

**Feels like your hand is on the door** 

ThereÕs no one there to talk to now. ThereÕs no one in the world that is like you. No one talks in that same humor and accepts things as they are, yet still does something to change them with depressing everyone around you. You inspired me to be myself. Just like Solo and Sister Helen did. But what happened to them? The same thing that happened to you. 

**I thought this place was an empire**   
**But now IÕm relaxed-I canÕt be sure** 

They left me. 

**I think youÕre so mean-I think we should try**   
**I think I could need-this in my life** 

It never occurred to me that even you could die. You were so perfect in every way. And a perfect person always has their flaws. It was those flaws that made you perfect. You risked you perfect life for me, for us, for everyone. And that brings me to think that you were the one that saved us all. It doesnÕt take a colonial leader. it doesnÕt take a mad scientist. It doesnÕt take a gundam pilot. It takes someone who is willing to risk everything, just to help somebody else. Not for revenge. Not for honor. 

**I think IÕm just scared-I think too much**   
**I know this is wrong itÕs a problem IÕm dealing** 

You did it because you wanted to. 

**If youÕre gone-maybe itÕs time to go home** 

Why does everyone so perfect have to be taken away from me? Every single person who ever meant something in my life, has died. And as I pause to think about it, I can draw only one conclusion. ItÕs true. You meant more to me than even my fellow gundam pilots. I guess theyÕre all I have left. But I know that not one of them can replace to space to left in my heart. And that space shall remain empty, forever. 

**ThereÕs an awful lot of breathing room**   
**But I can hardly move** 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
Flashback- 

I heard nothing as I ran through the halls after my gundam. I didnÕt bother to lock it up. I was so scared that I ran through the crowded corridors of Peacemillion, shoving through the engineers and even the doctors that were trying to get the medical section of the ship. ÔPlease let her be ok.Õ I didnÕt know who I was pleading to. I just kept repeating the same thing in mind as I ran, the expression on my face was pure concern and worry. The medical room doors finally came to view as I turned a corner, and ran straight into Sally. 

**If youÕre gone-baby you need to come home** 

ÒDuo, you canÕt go any further. YouÕd just be a distraction to her right now and we have o have her follow all of our instructions.Ó Sally said. It was then when it hit me that Sally was a doctor. My eyes widened and I grabbed her shoulders. 

**Cuz thereÕs a little bit of something me** 

ÒPlease, Sally! YouÕve got to let me see her! Is she going to be alright?!Ó I screamed. I was so scared I didnÕt know how I sounded to her. For all I cared, I could sound like the whiny little baby, just as long as I knew Hilde was going to be alright. 

**In everything in you** 

Gently but firmly, Sally gripped my arms and pulled them off her shoulders, putting them at my sides but not letting go. Her face turned deadly serious and I felt my eyes burning with hot tears waiting to be released. 

**I bet youÕre hard to get over** 

ÒDuo, youÕre just going to have to wait.Ó She said. I gaped and made a whimpering sound. 

**I bet the room just wonÕt shine** 

ÒPlease.Ó I whispered. Before I knew it I was on my knees and sobbing. I felt like either throwing up or throwing a fit. I felt like a helpless child. I looked up through my tear filled eyes. Sally was looking down at me, concerned. 

**I bet my hands I can stay here** 

ÒI promise IÕll do the best I can to save her.Ó She said. With only that to say to me, she turned and walked into the medical room. I let out a slight cry, bringing my body to itÕs hands and knees, my braid falling over my shoulder and dragging on the floor. 

**I bet you need** 

ÒHilde..Ó 

**More than you mind** 

It was just a couple more moments before I brought myself to my feet, noticing the corridor was empty, except for me. All the all sounds were now coming from the medical room less than five feet away from me. I leaned against the wall, brushing my tears away with my gloved hands, then yanking the gloves off. My hands were shaking and red from being clenched so tight. Throwing the gloves onto the floor, I slid with my back against the wall until I was sitting on my rear, digging my fingernails into my hands, bringing pain to hands to focus off the pain in my heart. It would stop me from crying for now. 

**I think youÕre so mean-I think we should try**   
**I think I could need-this in my life** 

I didnÕt keep track of how long I sat there. How long did it take to announce death? But how long did it take to save her? I couldnÕt determine anything by time. I was anxious. And being anxious kills me. IÕm a man who likes to get out and get things done, find things out and doesnÕt just wait for the right time. 

**I think IÕm scared** 

I dug my finger nails deeper into my hands when I heard the doors being opened. Sally stepped out just an inch and looked around, probably for me because when she spotted me she sighed. Her face was grim. Mine was grimmer. 

**That I know too much** 

ÒYou can come and see her now. But IÕm afraid that-Ó 

ÒDonÕt even say it.Ó I whispered roughly. My voice sounded horrible, mean. I was so stricken. Sally nodded. ÔYou donÕt understand. Why are you nodding?Õ I asked her in my mind. I stood myself up on my weak knees pulling my fingernails out of my hands. I watched, amused, as the blood pooled up in the tiny holes I had made in my palms. 

**I canÕt relate and thatÕs a problem**   
**I feel** 

ÒYou only have a couple minutes, Duo. She can go at any time.Ó Sally informed. I looked at her and laughed. I didnÕt even know why I laughed. But I soon found out when the laugher turned into sobs, and the sobs turned into tears, once again. 

ÒDuo-Ó 

ÒShut up.Ó I snapped, shoving past her into the room. The doctors inside were just watching over the frail figure in the bed. Her eyes were open and she was murmuring something to one of the doctors. I could have sworn I heard her say my name. I heard Sally come up behind me, ushering the other doctors out of the room. I stepped up to the chair once occupied by a doctor, and plopped myself down into it, never taking my eyes off of Hilde. 

**If youÕre gone-maybe itÕs time to go home**   
**ThereÕs an awful lot of breathing room** 

It was only when I heard the sound of the doors shutting behind me, when I gathered the courage to speak. 

*But I can hardly move** 

ÒHilde, IÕm sorry.Ó That was all I could say. I knew that she saw the tear stains on my cheeks and the blood on my palms. She knew how I felt and she didnÕt need to see me cry. I looked at my hands in my lap, waiting for her to respond. 

**If youÕre gone-baby you need to come home** 

ÒDonÕt be sorry, Duo. IÕm not. I know that that data will really come in handy for you guys.Ó She said. Her voice was weak. It sounded as if she were struggling to talk. 

ÒIf I would have gotten there sooner-Ó I started, anger and hate for myself building up inside of me. 

ÒDonÕt blame yourself, Duo. Please donÕt blame yourself.Ó I took a deep breath. 

ÒI told you not to die in vain, Hilde.Ó She smiled. That beautiful, wonderful smile that I knew I was never going to see again. 

**Cuz thereÕs a little bit of something me** 

ÒI wonÕt. Not as long as youÕre here.Ó I choked on a sob, leaning over and letting the tears spill out. It was the worst I had felt in along time. The worst I had felt since Sister Helen died. I sat there for minutes, not saying anything. I couldnÕt even talk to her now. It hurt so much. 

**In everything in you** 

ÒDuo, I met a girl named Relena Peacecraft on Libra.Ó Hilde said suddenly. My head snapped up. HildeÕs eyes were sad now, and she wasnÕt looking at me. 

ÒI tried to get her....to come with me. If she had, she would have died.Ó It seemed to hurt her to say those words. I thought about what would happen if Relena had gone with her. 

ÒPlease donÕt let her die too, Duo.Ó Hilde whispered. She took my hand, sending shivers through my body and making me want to cry again. Her skin was so cold. 

ÒIÕll take care of it, I promise.Ó I said. I tightened my grip on her hand and she smiled at me. 

ÒYouÕre the best, Duo.Ó She said. I sighed, and with all my will I managed a small smile. 

ÒSo are you, Hilde. I-I love you.Ó I whispered, holding back my tears. The urge to cry was stronger than ever now, but as I looked back at Hilde, she was already crying for me. 

**I think youÕre so mean-I think we should try** 

ÒI love you too, Duo.Ó She said. Tears were streaming down her cheeks, yet there was a smile on her face. And finally, without letting go of my hand, her tensed body relaxed, her eyes slid closed, and she drifted away from me. And as much as I tried to get her to hold on, she just wouldnÕt stay with me. And not even my heaviest tears could bring her back. I cried for what it seemed like, forever. 

**I think I could need-this in my life** 

End of flashback-   
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

And now, just a mere hour after that moment, I sat on a bench of the very same corridor I had sat in before, waiting for Hilde to come running out of those doors and jump into my arms, and stay there forever. But that never happened. And even though I knew it wouldnÕt, it still hurt me to be waiting there. 

Just as I was going to get up and leave, and start my life again. Start life again with an empty heart, I heard footsteps coming down the corridor. They were coming from the direction of the gundam hanger. I slouched in my seat, trying to put on my regular Duo-face, but it just wasnÕt working this time. 

**I think IÕm just scared-do I talk too much** 

The footsteps stopped and there was silence. Then there was nervous shuffling and more silence. I didnÕt bother to look up and confirm who it was. 

ÒHey, Heero.Ó I said. My voice was still not back to normal. It was still muffled with sobs and depression, but my care about that faded when he sat next to me. 

ÒAre you ok?Ó He asked. His voice was nervous, and I figured thatÕs really the only thing he could think of saying. I understood. Heero wasnÕt the comforting type and probably didnÕt have much experience. 

**I know itÕs wrong itÕs a problem IÕm dealing** 

ÒI will be.Ó I told him, ÒIn time.Ó I expected him to say something like, ÔThis better not interfere with your fighting.Õ but thatÕs defiantly not the kind of response I got. 

**If youÕre gone-maybe itÕs time to go home**   
**ThereÕs an awful lot of breathing room** 

ÒIÕll be here if you need me.Ó I turned my head to look at him for the first time. He was looking at me. His eyes didnÕt have sympathy, but they had sincereness in them. And that was all that I needed. I nodded and stood up, stretching and looking at the ground, trying my hardest not to have a crying spasm right then, and Heero stood up and faced me. I looked up into his eyes. We both opened our mouths to say something but then stopped. And before I even realized it, we hesitantly stepped towards each other, wrapped our arms around each other for a quick, friendly hug, and pulled back. He looked a little uneasy and said, 

**But I can hardly move** 

ÒYou needed that.Ó 

**If youÕre gone-baby you need to come home** 

ÒYouÕre right.Ó I said. We turned and walked back to the hanger. And for the first time since Hilde had been taken in, I felt a little better. 

**Cuz thereÕs a little bit of something me** 

You will always be in my heart, Hilde. No matter what happens to me. May it be death, victory, defeat, sorrow, happiness, misery. YouÕll have that now missing but special place in my heart. But maybe I was wrong about not having anyone else in my life. 

Just maybe.. 

**In everything in you** 

~Owari   
  



End file.
